cassidy_omgx's Journal

July 10th, 2007 • 8:08am

love of mine, someday you will die.
so many things have been running through my mind.
i can't fucking sleep. it's not fair. life is so cruel.
and i cannot stand it.
i wanna just go out and forget it all and chill with Caitlin, Ian, etc.
it hurts ridiculously bad to keep holding on to someone you know you'll never get.
i should let go. give up, but i think somewhere deep down in me i have a bit of hope left.
he likes me, but wants her. and it hurts like hell to get lead on. i'm so hurt.
i just don't understand why this world is so fucked up.
honestly, I'm done putting my heart on the line cause im sick of getting hurt and im fucking done.
i can't take this shit anymore.
im so far done.

//edit//

i am happy and guys can suck it cept for my bestfriends. i love them they make life better.

Current Mood: content

July 9th, 2007 • 8:06pm

Big Girls Don't Cry.

or maybee they do....
i played with fire and got burned.
warning....im a complete idiot.
i shouldve known better than to fall for someone...and give them everything...only to get hurt.

im a idiot.
thing is i still feel the way i did before about him.

i hate everything.

Current Mood: hurt

July 7th, 2007 • 6:28pm

update much....

i never get on lj anymore. my life has become a fucking rollercoaster. i dont know anything at all. all i know is that im in love with a boy who possibly doesnt love me.

ehhh.
: /

Current Mood: aggravated

February 3rd, 2007 • 10:32pm

So break ourselves down
"...And build ourselves up in disappointment
How fragile we are
So fragile we are, we just don't show it
Shake up this town
And shoot down the stars for our enjoyment
So sexy we are
So sexy we are, we just don't know it..."

wow. i dont quite understand things at the moment. love wise that is.

i wanna fall in love like they do in the movies but we all knw that could never happen : /

ugh.

//edit//

listen up, i am completely and utterly fed up with erryone pretending to be my friend. you either like me or you dont. pick one, tell me and ill be cool. but theres no need to talk fucking shit all the time. im not stupid. or a slut or a whore. I am a virgin and i plan on keeping it that way. I can actually get straight A's, but i just dont try. i might date guys but that doesnt mean i fucking sleep with them. GOD. fuck you if you think im not a virgin, you obviously dont knw me. because if you did, youd know im scared of it. im scared of so many things. call me a prude. id prefer it to slut, cause dont call me something im not. guys dont think im easy because i have fucking curves or titz, im not. want someone easy go to a fucking strip club. god i really am fed up with so many of you.

whatever. talk your shit. i dare you. see if it even phases me anymore, because your stupid high school drama is getting old. its time to mature up, or you wont make it on your own in the real world.

January 20th, 2007 • 5:30pm

yesterday.
i was venting.

jeez. sorry for still loving you and feeling like i got fucked over.
cause i did.

whatever.
forget my entry yesterday

EDIT....

why does it kill me inside to know that your with her...and im here alone still loving you.
it hurts so bad to see you with her.
i wish i was her.
i wish i was the one in your arms.
i wish i could have you back.

( Like You Really Loved Me...remember this? )

everything you told me....was that true.....i feel foolish to let myself go and fall for you...only to have my heart broken....whatever.
i cant help but to still love you though....whats wrong with me.

Current Mood: Lost

January 19th, 2007 • 10:25pm

Hope In The Mirror.
what do I want or see in life anymore...?

really though...

edit.....

by the way,
youll never read this due to the fact that you dont have a livejournal.

you are the worst guy in the world.
a manwhore.
i hate you.

you dont know what love is.
youve gone through two girls since we broke up.
two girls in three weeks.

and you said/say your madly in love with them.
BULLSHIT.
fuck you.
i hate you.
and your lame ass fat bitch of a girlfriend.

neither of you know what love is and probably never will if you started dating a few days ago and the first day were all i love you babay....

fuck you!

[btw none of you prbly knw who this is abt.]

Current Mood: infuriated

January 13th, 2007 • 6:09pm

so unsure.

im not so sure of anything anymore.
i've wasted so much time trying to figure things out.
that i've lost myself.
i've turned into something i cant even recognize.
and it hurts.

im so insecure.
i feel so hurt all the time.
and it's like i cant say anything without feeling stupid.

theres so much on my plate.
but i just cant take it anymore.
i feel like im going to break.

now i analyze every single thing i do.
i analyze my body.
the way i dress.
the things i think.

a few nights ago i stood in front of the mirror for thirty minutes....looking at my stomach.
wishing i was skinnier.
it hurts me to hear these two guys in my first period call me "fat"
it makes me sad.

i dont even know anymore.

Current Mood: unsure

January 10th, 2007 • 7:37pm

bahahahaahahaha.

oh my damn.
i dont even know.

( SURVEY. )

Current Mood: amused

January 9th, 2007 • 5:12pm

I wrote A poem today...
lots of stuff has happened.
& it has been basically my fault and im sorry and i feel wicked bad.
we all have problems in lifee that we overcome.
keeping my fat trap shut is one of mine.
so yeah. basically im sorry...i dont mean to hurt people.
i dont think before i do things.
i was having a horrible day.
and i know apologizing doesnt make it any better....but i can try.

blech. : /

i guess i just have to hold my head up high and try to stay strong.

( POEM MUCH?! )

im so disappointed in myself today.

Current Mood: okay

January 8th, 2007 • 9:21pm

BOYS SUCK....

thee end.
period.

they do.
i hate how they dont listen and are like oh ill do this blah blah blah & they dont.

DAMMMN. skldgnskedng

fuck you.

Current Mood: pissed off

January 8th, 2007 • 4:53pm

Did she ever really matter...?
i dont even know what love is anymore.

im not in love with ethan, yet....but theres always a possibilty
i rlly feel as if theres something so slightly different about him....
im not sure....

but ill figure it out in due time.

<3

Current Mood: anxious

January 6th, 2007 • 10:45pm

happiness is just a kiss away.

and i believe it too.
im so damn happy right now.

i dont care what anyone says.
i liked him for a month now....
even when i was datingg KUHBJIBIB.

it was a big secret for a month.
but now its out.
and were together and im happy happy happpy.

and im dancin like a mad womaaaan.

tehehehehehe.
awh ethan.

<3

Current Mood: indescribable

January 5th, 2007 • 8:42pm

SMACK THAT GET ON THA FLOOR.

$1CK N@$t133!

HAHAHAHAA im like forever boreddddddd.
SO IM WRITING OR TYPING....whatever the fuck it is......IN THIS GODDAMN LIVEJOURNALL SHIT.

hahahahahhahahahaha.
im hypah like shittt.
damn NUKKA.

SUCK MY DAMN INVISIBLE COCK BITCH. hahahaha.
oh wow. im hyperr

hahahahahahhahahaha

<3

Current Mood: hyper
Current Music: Fall out boy - This Ain't A Scene, It's an arms race

January 4th, 2007 • 3:10pm

fuck.
so looks like my dad will prbly bitch abt me having two c's that were BEFORE break & the fucking teachers havent updated shit.

i haveee to go out saturday or ill DIE.

oh fuckkk

January 1st, 2007 • 9:17pm

Happy 2007 darlings.

im deff in a better mood, due to sarahs SMACK THAT rant.
hahaha. god i love my tuscarora bff sarah.

hehehe.

cus ima rida: SEX
cus ima rida: SEX
cus ima rida: SO MUCH SEX
cus ima rida: THAT I EXPLODE
cus ima rida: LIKE AN ORANGE.
cus ima rida: UNDER A CEMENT TRUCK.
cus ima rida: KABOOM
thug NASTIEE: thats profile worthy
thug NASTIEE: LETS MAKE SWEET SEX IN MAH ROOOM.
thug NASTIEE: ILL BE LIKE BOOOM BOOOM.
thug NASTIEE: & YOULL BE LIKE SMACK THAT GIMME SOME MORE
thug NASTIEE: TIL IM SORE HAHAHA

cus ima rida: YEAH BABYY

sarah hahaha ily grrl

<33

January 1st, 2007 • 3:35pm

fuck 2007

its 07 & ive already screwed up.

go me.

BLECH.

Current Mood: disappointed

December 27th, 2006 • 1:00pm

Mad World.

" I find if kind of funny and i find it kind of sad, the dreams in which im dying are the best i've ever had "

so last night was fucking awesome.
i realized i neeed to go downtown more often and hang out with natawiie, caitlin, alexa, kyle, & jack.

those are some amazing kids.
haha and i love them all.

ive been so happy lately since christmas that is.
im glad im out of that unhealthy relationship.
now is a time for me to get to know other people and who knows maybe find someone.
but im not quite ready for a relationship.
so im going to take my time.

im excited for saturday.
im gonna go to work and visit jack @ panera on my break.
then go downtown w/ caitlin and the groupp.

:]

life pretty awesome right abt now.

Current Mood: excited

December 25th, 2006 • 9:50pm

merry christmass.
i had a good day aside from feeling like a whale and screaming cousins.

: ]

who knew xmas could lift your spirits.
wellll....
heres what all i got.

from mommy & vince & kendalll

drivers ed course.
pjs.
ae undies!
footless tights.
hair stuff.
candy.
a cute scarf from bath & body works with pockets!
some other stuff.

from mii vatter.

pirates 2!
the tommyknockers dvd.
reality lies dvd.
a johnny depp two disc movie thingy.
the truth about forever [booook!]
new moon [boook]
catcher in the rye & another boook by j.d. salinger.
candles & incense!
best buy gc...50 dollah!

from the relatives

money
starbucks gc
redlobster/olive garden gc.
roxy wallet & purse.
make upp.
othahh stuff

all in all, even though my weekends been sorta sucky, i had a great daaay

:]

hope you had a good christmas tooo.
and tomorrow = shopping!

<3

Current Mood: blah

December 24th, 2006 • 4:31pm

hey there, thanks for breaking my heart.
its over.

and i cannot even see how someone breaks someones heart on CHRISTMAS EVE. WTF?!
like....i cant even begin to think of all the things i want to say to him.

i tried to keep us together....but he broke us apart.
he was immature.
and i dont believe him for a second when he says it was distance....it was her.

and i hate her for that.

god dammit adam, way to ruin my christmas....seriously.
and YET, he still wants to hang out with me on tuesday.

i dont know.
i just dont know.

it hurts.

but to everyone else, merry christmas eve and junkkk.

Current Mood: depressed

December 23rd, 2006 • 9:29pm

Hold onto me.
basically this is my thoughts of what i need to say to adam....

adam. your breaking me inside. cause right now, all i can think about is losing you to her and it's killing me inside. its my biggest fear and secret, losing you would hurt so bad. i want you to understand why exactly i feel like this. im not angry, but im upset. i feel like you want her and i dont understand what your feeling. you wont tell me and i wanna know. i know that we can get through alll this because im not giving up, not now, not ever. im shaking and ive been holding all this in, but you need to know how i feel. i feel like your slowly removing me from your life and putting her in my place. i realize shes probably alot better than me and prettier than me....but those are things i cant change. i wish i could read your mind, so i could know everything, but i cant and thats sucks. i just felt like you should know all of this. i love you adam. but i need to know whats going on with us. because i cant hold this in any longer because it hurts too much.....i just want answers. so please tell me.

im done....

Current Mood: numb

December 22nd, 2006 • 8:43am

three sleepless nights.

"this isn't how its supposed to be
but you're so good at taking your time to get back to me
i will wait for you forever
if you would just ask me
i thought that i could change you, but you've changed me

it scares me to think that you could find takers other than me
and better than me
but your head is elsewhere and i'm talking enough for the both of us
when will you see? it's not so easy for me"
Emery makes me feel somewhat better.

BUT....

i feel like adam hates me.
and its like im nothing to him anymore.

i think he's mad at me for something but idk.

im worried hes gonna break up with me.
i cant take this.

like i dont know how i would freaking take it if he broke up with me.
i love him so much.
its like i can keep hoping & wishing itll last forever, but i dont know the way he's acting makes me feel really weird inside.

im not sure i understand what he's saying by this. so im just gonna lay off a little bit.
i mean last night i basically yelled at about being super immature.
i feel bad. and im sorry.
i just wish things would go back to the way they were.
when i was his juliet & he was my romeo....he's still my romeo, but am i still his juliet..

yes i know that sounds cheesy.
but can someone seriosuly answer my question, whats going on?!

bjmbvSKME,GBjvhgV

EDIT!!!!!

so evrrythings okay!
im so retarded & paranoidd.

haha im so lame.
iloveadaam.

Current Mood: thankful

December 19th, 2006 • 7:55pm

Santa Baby Please Hurry Down the Chimney Tonight....

i love the christmas season.
its my favorite.

my dad out up christmas lights and tomorrow we're finally putting up the tree & decorating it.

FINALLYYY!

i hope i can see adam this saturday & play couples scrabble with him, natalie, & her bf.

but obviously me & natalie will KILL adam & her bf!
haha cause adam cant spell for anything, but i love him.

i wrapped mucho xmas presents for my familia today.
it was fun?!

ok well ive got a cold :[

so peace nukkas.

<3

Current Mood: calm

December 18th, 2006 • 5:15pm

Honestly....
maybee, its time for a little honesty in my life, i mean this by what i think of others.

i hate not telling people what i think of them. so ill start.
maybe itll sound bitchy, if i dont like you.
but im not gonna sit there & talk shiit.

so there.

thats what im doing.

December 13th, 2006 • 4:55am

I'll Be Your Best Kept Secret & Your Biggest Mistake...
[Unknown LJ tag]

Current Mood: amused

December 12th, 2006 • 3:51am

girls just wanna have fun....

ahh i love cyndi lauper! so im having an sorta good daay! finally. haha. im so excited for saturdaaay tho <3

( Seven People <3 )

Current Mood: jubilant
Current Music: CYNDI LAUPER

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